I Found a Tumor

By: Dennis Terry

No race this weekend! 

It's going to be nice to have the weekend off and you can bet I'll be in Hilton Head at least some of the time.  The cool thing about the NASCAR Cup schedule being so long is that one week off really feels like a whole month! 

The best part is, when I head to Hilton Head for my off weekends there are no pit practices, no workouts and no diets!!!  Which mean lots of conch fritters, hush puppies, Vodka/Sprites and of course... DENNY CAKES!!!

When you are a 275 lb Sprint Cup front tire changer, getting away from Coach Walt Smith’s strict workout routines and dieting regiment is like Christmas, Halloween and Easter all rolled up into one weekend!  So, you can imagine my surprise when I learned that this year Walt would be taking his family to Hilton Head too!!! 

What’s up with that???

My first thought was that my wife put him up to this, but she denied the whole thing.  My next thought was that this was the work of our phantom blogger, FREAK. Freak is the only other tire changer on pit road that outweighs me and I can see him wanting to keep his title intact, but I couldn’t get him to fess up either.

Come to find out this was just one of those weird NASCAR coincidences.  A coincidence that is sure to cause me a little anxiety when I BELLY up to the oyster bar this weekend.  Just imagine the fear of always looking over your shoulder to see if your coach is fixing to swat a catfish sandwich out of your mouth and toss you a salad (OK that was a cheesy line).

I can understand his frustration though.  Walt has really worked hard on our whole team’s physical fitness over the last four months and especially mine.  During the morning practice after Atlanta, he even had a glimmer of pride on his face and faint look of respect in his eyes when I went to him with what, at the time, I thought was a tumor on my belly.

Tumors are no joking matter either!!!  After breakfast at the Waffle House with my good buddy and fellow DEI crewman, Ryan Buscaglio (another 275 lb plus crewman), I was rubbing my belly in moment of “fullness” when I noticed a small bulge below my rib cage.  It was sore and stretchy and a tumor was the first thing to come to mind. 

I hurried to practice to get my diagnosis and to my relief the bulge wasn’t a tumor at all, but an Ab muscle!!!  Can you believe that??? I found an Ab muscle at the Waffle House!!!  I’ve never had an Ab before either… after this weekend at Hilton Head, I may not have this one any longer so I wanted to tell you guys about it before it’s too late. 

Coach Walt was very impressed with the little fellow and he’s actually trying to come up with a nickname for it!!! Maybe in a four or five more months I’ll have two Abs, which means I’ll be one third of the way to a six pack!

Hummm, I think I’ll just go to Hilton Head get the six pack the old fashioned way… from the Kwik-E-Mart. Maybe there I wont have to worry about getting snagged by Coach.

Have a great Easter.

DT